


the ideal husband

by onelastride



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, IT IS HAPPY I PROMISE, Some Fluff, another songfic, mentioned alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29690724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onelastride/pseuds/onelastride
Summary: Emily Prentiss wanted nothing more than to be loved by Jennifer Jareau.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	the ideal husband

_i came by at seven in the morning_  
_i said ‘baby i’m finally succumbing’_  
_said something dumb like i’m tired of running_

__

__

Emily Prentiss wasn’t perfect.

There are a lot of things that Emily Prentiss did in her lifetime and she hated herself for it. Her self-hatred just fueled her need to run from everything. When she felt her past decisions catching up to her she would shut herself off from the outside world. She neglected friendships and wasted her money on whatever alcohol was recommended to her by the bar keep. After all, it isn’t alcoholism if you’re drinking in good company.

She was reminded how incredibly false that belief was when she couldn’t pull herself out of bed until late in the afternoon the day after binging. A relentless pounding in her head that no amount of water and pain killers could shake. She would keep the curtains drawn, passing it off as her being hung over when in reality it was just another way of her shutting out the outside world. 

Jennifer Jareau always seemed to know when Emily had been drinking the night before. She’d always wake up to a slew of texts from the blonde who just wanted Emily to talk to her. Emily couldn’t do it; she could never bring herself to talk to her girlfriend about what she was running from. 

Emily Prentiss resented the people that she loved.

She resented them _because_ she loved them. Emily has a deep-rooted need to be loved, and though that had never been overtly expressed she knew that it was the reason for her loving others so freely. It always forced her to beg the question; what did they have that she didn’t? Furthermore, it always caused her to think; how could she love Jennifer Jareau if she couldn’t even love herself. Or even worse, how could Jennifer Jareau possibly love Emily Prentiss in all her flaws.

That’s where she is, mulling over her relationship with the blonde alone in her apartment staring down the bottle of whiskey she’d set out. She sat on her couch, elbows resting on her knees and her face buried in the palms of her hands. A dull pounding was starting to set in and there was nothing she could do about it. The brunette looked over at the clock and it simply read 0545.

Her phone pinged somewhere in the distance and she didn’t have the energy to bring herself to look at the text. Not yet. She knew exactly who it would be and if she read the message now she’d do something completely and utterly stupid. That was all because right now there was one thought that was running on repeat in her mind, it clouded all of her judgment. 

Emily Prentiss wanted to break up with Jennifer Jareau.

Not because she didn’t love the blonde with her whole heart. It was the opposite. She wanted to break up with JJ _because_ she loved her. Emily couldn’t stand the thought of subjecting the blonde to another day of anxiety over what the brunette does when she is all by herself in the confines of her apartment. Emily couldn’t live with herself knowing that she was the reason why the blonde walked into work with tired eyes, sympathy written all over her face when she looked in the direction of the brunette.

This was just another way for Emily Prentiss to keep running, and she hated herself for it. Yet the more she thought about it, the more she couldn’t do it. Deep down she knew that Jennifer would help Emily work through every insecurity she had and she would never judge her for it. She knew that those tired eyes were filled with love and adoration for the brunette. The sympathy on her face that Emily wanted to hate so badly just made her love Jennifer that much more.

She wanted nothing more than to open up to the blonde and tell her everything. Tell her about Interpol and Doyle, tell her about the way the brand on her chest still hurts her, tell her about how terrified she was to be alone in Paris and that the only thing that saved her was the online scrabble that the pair played together. Once those cards would be laid on the table she feared that it would scare the blonde off. She knew it wouldn’t. But she wanted to believe that it would.

Emily Prentiss wanted nothing more than to be loved by Jennifer Jareau.

She wanted to be loved by the same woman that she had spent the last week ignoring. They’d grown so accustomed to the same routine that she knew just how to avoid the blonde even when they were in the office. Emily was good at avoiding people, especially those who cared about her. Her phone sprang to life again when another message came through, and this time she got up to find the device so she could respond.

Upon standing she immediately had to lean on the couch to keep her upright, the alcohol seemingly to hit her all at once. Once she was able to collect her bearings she found her phone and squinted her eyes as the device illuminated in front of her.

**JJ: Can you please talk to me?**

Which was followed by another message that simply read:

**JJ: I am so tired Em.**

The last message staring her boldly in the face, challenging her to do something and try to salvage this relationship. The same relationship that Emily was teetering on the edge of ending. 

That was more than enough to force Emily into some form of action and she crossed through to where she kept her purse and keys and collected her items before leaving her apartment. JJ lived just a few blocked over from the brunette, and Emily figured a walk would do her some good. She quickly brushed her teeth and sprayed some perfume so she didn’t reek of whiskey when she showed up at the blonde’s doorstep. 

Emily Prentiss did not do a lot of things in her life right; this was one thing she _was_ going to do right.

The chill of autumn air was more than enough to bring her back to her senses. Her mind kept playing out a multitude of scenarios of how this conversation with JJ was going to go. If she willed it hard enough, she knew that things would end between them. It was her way of protecting JJ and even Henry.

That wasn’t what she wanted, it’s what she thought she wanted. After all, isn’t protecting them from her past the ultimate form of love? Who knows. She didn’t have time to think about all of that now because she stood in front of Jennifer Jareau’s townhome. Lights were on signaling to her that the blonde was getting a start on her day, unaware of what was about to happen.

Emily brought a raised fist to the door and closed her eyes, forcing herself to knock on the door. It was a quiet and unconfident knock, but by the muffled voice announcing that they were coming she knew it was heard. The door swung open and all of time stopped.

Emily Prentiss was not going to break up with Jennifer Jareau. 

They both stood in silence, seeming to size up the other while not knowing what to say. Emily broke the silence first, “can I come in?” The blonde stepped to the side to widen the door and silently nodded her head, her gaze fixed on the brunette as she walked through the threshold on the Jareau household. Emily watched as JJ took her purse from her and set it down on the table that was sitting in the hallway before she moved to go sit on the couch in her living room.

The same couch where JJ broke down when she decided she was going to divorce Will and Emily immediately wrapped the blonde up in her arms, desperately trying to put the pieces back together. The same couch where Emily realized she was hopelessly in love with JJ. The same couch where they talked about their future together and exchange quiet ‘I love yous’.

Emily slowly sat down on the opposite end of Jennifer, unable to bring her eyes to meet those same ones that held so much love for her. She began to play with her hands as a distraction, a way to stall and piece together what she wanted to say. That’s when she realized that there was no easy way to say any of this, and so that’s why she just went for it.

“I hate a lot of things about myself, but I don’t hate myself for loving you. I could never hate myself for loving you. I desperately want to be loved by you but I feel that I am not worthy of being loved by you and that thought terrifies me,” she could feel the tears start to prick at her eyes, and it took everything in her to not break down right there.

She felt weight in the couch shift and arms around her waist, how the roles reverse. A gentle hand rubbed her back as the other tucked brunette hair behind her ear and JJ spoke softly, “I love you so much, painfully so, and you can be a difficult person to love, Prentiss,” a sarcastic laugh slipped through before she continued, “let me decide whether or not you’re worthy of my love. That isn’t a decision for you to make. And I’ll tell you right now, Em, I love you so fucking much.”

Emily leaned into the touch and mumbled a phrase so quietly that the blonde almost missed it, “how can I love you in the way that you deserve if I can’t even love myself.” JJ shook her head and pulled the brunette impossibly closer to her, “you do, Em,” and she repeated those simple words for what felt like forever. The mantra just reaffirming the love Emily had for Jennifer, reaffirming that she had to work on making herself get better so she could have the blonde for forever. 

“Talk to me,” the voice broke her from her thoughts as they pulled apart. Emily still avoiding the gaze of her girlfriend, because she knew the moment she looked into those tired and sympathetic eyes she would lose all the composure she’d just regained. She shook her head and forced herself to look at the artwork on the wall in front of her. It was all Henry’s art, scrawls of crayon and marking adorning construction paper.

“I know opening up is tough for you. You built these walls around your life, I get it. You have to let me in eventually, Emily. I want to see all of you, _love_ all of you. Love you and all your flaws. I’ve seen a lot of shit in my life, I can assure you that whatever storms you have brewing up inside of you won’t scare me away.” 

Emily looked at Jennifer, and really truly looked at her. She could see the crease of worry that had formed in her brows, the way she rubbed her thumbnail back and forth against her bottom lip as she stared back at the brunette who was almost a shell of herself. The younger woman spoke again, “you don’t have to say anything today. I just want the promise that eventually I’ll see all side of you.”

“I can do that.”

“I know you can, honey. How about I get you some coffee? I finished brewing some just as you got here, and I know that’ll help cure whatever alcohol you consumed before coming over,” she gave her that signature smile that always made her swoon. “Thought I did a better job at hiding the stench,” she chuckled slightly. She watched as JJ moved into the kitchen, she watched the way her shirt rode slightly up as she reached into the cabinet to get fresh mugs, the way her tongue stuck out ever so slightly in determination as her fingers tried to grasp a mug that was proving to be difficult to get.

“Need help?”

“No, I got it,” and at that statement the mug came flying out of the cabinet, due to the blonde using a bit too much force to move it, and shattered on the floor, “maybe I don’t got it. I’ll get the broom.” Emily laughed, and at that reaction JJ lit up and pointed her finger in the direction of her girlfriend, “there’s the Prentiss I know. I’ve missed her.” 

Emily faltered at that statement and worried her lip, “I’m so sorry Jayje. I’m sorry for just leaving you in the dark these last few months, and for completely closing you out this past week.”

JJ shook her head, “you have nothing to apologize for. It happens.”

“You didn’t deserve that,” the brunette shrugged her shoulders and watched as JJ went to grab the broom to sweep up the broken mug.

Just as the blonde opened up her mouth to speak, Henry came barreling into the living room practically throwing himself at Emily. He let out a squeal of delight and wrapped his arms around the older woman’s frame, “I missed you!” Emily softened and ruffled his blonde hair, a smile forming on her lips, “hey buddy, I’ve missed you too.” JJ silently turned on the television and put-on whatever Saturday morning cartoons were on, settling on _Paw Patrol_. “Hope you like animated dogs, Em.” 

“Are you kidding? They’re my favorite thing ever,” she looked down and smiled at Henry again, who had completely turned his attention towards the television but still grasped a few of Emily’s fingers in his hand. JJ rolled her eyes and handed a mug to her girlfriend, “coffee for you, just as you like.” Emily brought the mug to her lips, taking a sip and relishing in the taste of something other than alcohol, “thank you. It’s perfect.”

JJ settled on the couch next to Emily, leaning her head on the brunette’s shoulder and letting out a hum of contentment, “I also missed this.” Emily pressed a kiss in the blonde’s hair, “I did to. I’m going to stay this time. No more running.”

“Do you mean that?”

“With every fiber of my being.”

“I love you so much Emily Prentiss,” JJ looked up and placed a soft kiss to Emily’s cheek before settling herself back down again. She wrapped her arms around the brunette’s waist, one of her hands joining her son’s as they both held on to Emily’s hand. That simple action forced a tightness in Emily’s chest and caused an emotion that she couldn’t recall the last time she felt, it was pure joy. The dull headache reminding her of her past actions, but she was holding her future in her arms.

She gently rubbed invisible circles on JJ’s back before pulling her tightly against her, “I love you, Jennifer Jareau.” She wanted nothing more than to be the ideal girlfriend for JJ, a suitable guardian for Henry, Emily just wanted to be enough for this small family that she found herself hopelessly in love with.

Emily Prentiss wasn’t perfect, but she was loved by Jennifer Jareau and that is perfect enough for her.

**Author's Note:**

> hope yall enjoyed.  
> loosely based off the ideal husband - father john misty


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